My Life In Short Stories
by Silver Sugar
Summary: A collection of random short stories and one-shots, with the intention of humor. Although, it should be said that my sense of humour is rather warped and bizarre. Please read and review!


_**DISCLAIMER : I do not own Scrubs or the characters, despite how fun it would be.**_

_***I would appreciate feedback on the daydream sections, because I am unsure if it makes sense or if I pulled it off right. It's much more difficult to put it into words than it was when it played in my mind like the show. Other than that, I hope you enjoy!**_

* * *

><p><strong>MY FINAL FANTASY<strong>

It was a slow day for Sacred Heart Hospital. There were no major casualities, just the odd broken limb and general illness. The day was so slow that the only surgeries scheduled were simply routine. There was a kind of laid-back atmosphere amongst the staff, and it appeared the by hanging around for a while.

On this such day, J.D and Elliot were finishing their lunch in the packed cafeteria. With nothing much else to do, a majoritory of the staff decided the make the most of it. Finishing off her chocolate cake, Elliot's gaze slowly wandered across the room, from the cashier handing over change to Dr Mickhead sitting by himself next to a window.

_It was a slow day here at Sacred Heart_, began J.D's inner monologue. _The only patients admitted were 'easy' cases, broken bones and common illnesses. Even Dr Cox was taking it easy ..._

J.D's gaze was fixed on Dr Cox who was resting his head on the table, trying to keep himself awake. The usually stressed and busy doctor looked as though he were on holiday, just enjoying the peace.

"That chocolate cake was so good," Elliot remarked, licking the crumbs off her fingers. "I could eat a whole one, like that kid in _Matilda_."

_Whole chocolate cake_, J.D thought. However, before a daydream could materialise, Elliot tapped his shoulder.

"Come on J.D," she insisted, gesturing for J.D to get up.

Shrugging, J.D muttered, "I suppose."

Heading for the door, the pair could hear a couple of interns arguing about the video game franchise _Final Fantasy_. Motioning for Elliot to stop, J.D turned around to look at them.

"Arguing over a video game? Pfft, nerds," Elliot scoffed.

J.D, however, was intrigued. Walking along the corridor, he thought to himself, _I wonder what life would be like if we were Final Fantasy characters?_

Elliot began shouting at J.D but he was already tuning her out, and before he knew it, once again they were immersed in yet another daydream.

* * *

><p><em>J.D looked down at his clothes, a dark SOLDIER uniform. He was carrying a large sword that could easily slice a person in half. Funnily enough, his hair stayed the same, the only thing that was different about him was his clothes and weapon. He turned to face Elliot who was wearing a white tank top and short black skirt.<em>

_Confused, J.D uttered, "Elliot? What the Hell ...?"_

_"No, Cloud. I'm Tifa, remember?" Elliot replied, checking out her newly enlarge chest. "Whoa! Why are my breasts so big?"_

_Staring, J.D was unable to answer._

_"Stop it!" Elliot barked as she walked away, attempting to hide her chest in the process. "Come on Cloud, we better head to reception."_

Cloud?_ J.D thought. _Oh wait, that's me! This could get confusing ...

_In the waiting room there were a few people waiting to be seen to. A couple of magic victims, and a few young men in dark suits who were nursing large wounds. One of the men, a bald man with dark shades, approached J.D._

_"I need to see a doctor right away," he stated. "My colleagues and I have been attacked by a Behemoth."_

_"Okay, just sit down sir, and I'll find someone," J.D said in reply, trying to remember what a Behemoth was._

_The bald man looked even more confused than before. "Cloud ...? What are you trying to pull?"_

_Stunned, J.D walked away from the man who shouted back, "I'm Rude, remember? You know, the Turks?"_

That was weird_, J.D thought to himself._ What's a behemoth? A big cat?

_He joined the well-endowed Elliot, who was watching a young woman in a pink dress kneeling in prayer. Watching her in silence, he noticed how everyone around her kept their distance, to busy with their own problems._

_"That's Aerith," Elliot began. "She's been here almost every day, her boyfriend has disappeared, and she keeps hoping he'll turn up here. It's so sad."_

_"Why here?" J.D ask, his view transfixed on the woman._

_"She says she feels closer to the 'Planet' here," Elliot said quietly. "I don't know why, but she's doing no harm."_

_J.D slowly walked over to the woman and knelt down in front of her. "Excuse me, Aerith?"_

_With no hint of surprise, the woman looked up at J.D and smiled._

_"... Hey." J.D said._

_However, the woman wasn't given a chance to reply. A sudden blade went right through her waist, barely missing J.D. Horrified, he watched as the woman died in front of his eyes. Looking up, he saw a man in a black cape smirking as he withdrew his long sword from her body. He looked into his face, and realised he knew who this man was._

_"Janitor?"_

_"No, you nimrod!" Janitor scolded, "It's Sephiroth."_

* * *

><p>"Sephiroth, how could you kill Aerith?" J.D yelled at Janitor, unaware the arrival of Dr Cox had snapped him out of his daydream.<p>

"Don't look at me," Janitor insisted, putting down the sharpened end of a mop.

J.D noticed the blood on the sharp end, and looked down to see a young woman lying on the floor with a stab wound in her back. Putting two and two together, he glared at Janitor.

"You did this," J.D said accusingly, pointing a finger at the stunned Janitor who dropped his mop. "Why is your mop sharp?"

Stepping aside to let Dr Cox and Elliot treat the injured woman, Janitor answered, "It's a Pokey-Mop."

J.D stared at Janitor with a confused, blank expression.

"A Pokey-Mop," Janitor continued. "It pokes people outta the way, so I can mop. Pretty cool, huh?"

"Not really," J.D answered, watching Dr. Cox and an orderly escort the woman upstairs to the wards. "You could have killed her."

Janitor chuckled nervously, aware everyone was watching him. "But I didn't kill her," he insisted, shuffling away quietly.

"J.D, come on," Elliot said forcefully, grabbing his arm and started to drag him upstairs.

They made their way to the ward when Dr Cox ushered them towards the nurse's station.

"Okay, Barbie, Vanille, I have no idea what went on down there, but I will find out, and so help me God if this gets back to Kelso because it won't just be that idiot janitor that will suffer, it will be you two girls aswell," Dr Cox said in a hushed voice. "Now, I spoke to the girl, she doesn't remember exactly what happened. She said she felt a pain in her back and didn't realise she was bleeding until she was on the ground. Do not tell her who did it, do I make myself clear?"

J.D and Elliot nodded in unision before they went to the woman's bedside. She was conscious, with a frown on her face.

"I gave you a scare there, huh?" she said glumly. "I asked that doctor what happened, but he didn't tell me much."

"Well ... we're trying to establish that," J.D said slowly, trying not to implicate anyone. "By the way, what's your name?"

Smiling gently, the woman replied, "I'm Aerith. Aerith Gainsborough."

_No way!_ J.D thought, _That's one Hell of a coincidence._

"Was I lying when I told you?" Elliot whsipered to J.D, before speaking to Aerith. "We're going to have a word with Dr Cox, and try to work out what exactly happened."

"Thank you," Aerith replied meekly, as she watched Elliot and then J.D leave her bedside.

Searching for Dr Cox, Elliot remarked, "I'm glad she never died."

J.D thought to himself, _I'm glad she didn't die too. But I often wonder, what would happen if the worst did occur?_

* * *

><p><em>J.D and Elliot watched as blood poured from the woman's lifeless body, while Janitor stands before them, his sword raised in a victory stance.<em>

_"At last, it is done!" Janitor proudly declared, before he suddenly vanished._

_J.D fell onto both knees and let out a very overdramtic "Nooooooooooo!"_

_"Cloud get up!" Elliot cried, horrified by the scene. "Cid needs us to help find Sephiroth. You do want revenge, don't you?"_

_J.D composed himself, and looked around before asking, "Who's Cid?"_

_Just then, Dr Cox entered the reception, striding as he walked over to Elliot and J.D. His goggles were pushed back onto his hairline, and his trying to fix his long gauntlet-like gloves._

_"I'll goddamn tell you who's Cid. I'm Cid, okay? See this cigarette? I will be smoking it over Sephiroth's dead body. Now, let's hurry the Hell up, Shera's got a pot of tea for me at home."_

_"Oh, that's Cid ..." J.D mumbled quietly, following Cox and Elliot out of the reception into a brightly lit corridor where Turk and Carla were waiting for them, and yet again, oddly dressed._

Was no-one in this world ever gonna look like real life, _J.D found himself asking as he met with his two friends._

_"Yo, C-Dizzle, that's what I'm talking about!" Turk exlaimed, giving J.D a man hug. "Lulu and me, we're gonna help you find that crazy-ass Sephiroth!"_

_It was Carla's turn to talk "Don't get over excited Zell ..."_

_"I can't help it baby, it's these damn shorts! Too much fresh air getting to the guys if you know what I mean," Turk winked at his wife._

_Shuddering, Cox began, "We need to find this Sephiroth, and I think we better hurry because if I see or hear that Irvine, I am going to gut him better than he could gut a fat man in a bowl of jelly."_

_"Dr. Cid, that makes no sense," J.D retorted._

_"Well you get the idea, don't you? Of the man that is so morbidly obese that - What did you call me there Yunalesca?" Cox said quickly, turning on J.D who stood his ground._

_"It doesn't matter, we gotta find Sephiroth otherwise we'll end up down a hole or something!" J.D insisted._

_Then, almost as if by magic, the notorious surgeon known as The Todd appeared. "Well I'd like to -"_

_"That's enough," Cox groaned._

_"Damn Irvine, how do you get here so quickly? And what is with that cowboy hat?" Turk questioned. "I gotta get me one of those!"_

_"The Irv has a very special collection alongside his banana hammocks," Todd proudly announced._

_"Ewww ..." Elliot felt as though she was going to throw up._

_"Anyway ... Let's do this!" Carla announced promptly, in an effort to change the subject._

* * *

><p>"Yeah, let's make Sephiroth pay!" J.D declared.<p>

Stunned, Elliot questioned, "Seriously J.D, who is this Sephiroth guy?"

Trying to cover his tracks, all J.D could muster was, "I don't ... quite know ... yet."

"Uh huh, well that's just beautiful Edea. Now, if we could all get back to reality, I have filled in Carla and Gandhi, and I have no intention of filling in - don't even! - that guy, so let's just find this crazy bastard." Cox ordered, walking back towards reception and outside.

J.D found his inner monologue active again, _This is crazy, Dr Cox has finally went nuts. I bet Janitor is hiding in a closet somewhere, maybe I should find him myself! No wait, what if he kills me ..._

"Who would save me?" J.D cried.

Everyone stopped in disbelief at yet another outburst from J.D. This time, nobody said anything and continued onwards, where they met mopey attourney Ted outside, having spilled jam doughnut filling down his shirt.

"Oh no, mom said she wouldn't wash my shirts anymore if I kept spilling food down them," Ted moaned, desperately wiping away jam with a leaf. "Why can't I do anything right?"

"Well hello there Ted," Cox handed over a tissue. "Say, have you seen that super-crazy Janitor lately?"

Making even more of a mess, Ted replied, "Yeah, he was in Kelso's office. I had to get away from there."

"Dude, why?" Turk asked.

"Dr. Kelso's in there," Ted stated, throwing the tissue into the bush.

Dr. Cox nodded, "That's a good point there, Ted."

"So, guys, Kelso's office then?" Carla suggested, heading back indoors with Turk and Elliot following close behind.

Confused, Ted asked, "So what happened?"

"Have you ever heard of a 'Pokey-Mop'?" J.D asked, keeping his eyes peeled incase Janitor had left Kelso's office.

Ted nodded in excitement. "Yeah! Janitor showed me it this morning! If you're mopping you use it to poke someone ... Oh man!"

"That's right, turns out our little insane Janitor injured someone with his stupid mop," Cox explained, pressing the button for the elevator.

The group entered the elevator, each one of them deep in thought, besides Todd, who was too busy trying to think of a way to add an innuendo into the fray.

"Awww ... I don't want to have to defend the Janitor in another lawsuit ..." Ted insisted, looking even more miserable than before.

"Look, it might not even come to that. As long as we don't tell the girl what happened, and with Dr. Kelso's backing, hopefully there won't be any need for lawyers," Carla said brightly as they stepped out of the elevator.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Ted smiled at Carla. "I hope so."

Arriving outside Kelso's office, Cox took a deep breath and opened the door.

_I wonder what would happen if the Sephiroth-Janitor was in there_, J.D thought, before going off into another daydream.

* * *

><p><em>Indeed, the group came face to face with the Janitor and Dr. Kelso, and this time, it was J.D's turn to speak.<em>

_"Sephiroth! You will pay for killing Aerith!" J.D began, before noticing Kelso's bizarre outfit. "And just who are you meant to be?"_

_Seemingly outraged, Kelso replied, "Young man, I am Maester Seymour! I run this place!"_

_"Ahhh, but that kinda raises more questions than it answers," J.D mused._

_"Shut up, Cloud!" Cox barked._

_"Um, 'kay," J.D whispered, hiding behind Carla and Ted. "You look even weirder ..."_

_"Hey! Leave Hope alone!" Kelso shouted, referring to Ted who was fixing his cropped trousers._

_"You see Maester Seymour?" Janitor began. "That's all they do - accuse. You killed Aerith, you look weird, you gave me crabs. They're all the same!"_

_"Are you willing to fight it out?" Kelso asked out of sheer badness. "If you really wanted revenge, talking won't do!"_

_"Hell yeah!" J.D declared, drawing his sword._

_Elliot put her fists up and Cox pulled out his spear. They were ready to do battle. All three of them lined up in front of Janitor in their battle stances._

_"My turn!" Cox insisted as he cast a poweful Quake spell on Janitor, knocking him to the ground._

_However he got back up, just in time for Elliots punches to connect with his face. Taken aback, but not ready to give up, he cast his Fallen Angel spell, leaving the fighters severely weakened._

_"Limit Break!" J.D yelled, brandishing his sword. "Climhazzard!"_

_As the resulting Limit Break ended up with the loss of one of Janitor's arms, Kelso moved in swiftly to stop the fight, casting a Stop spell on everyone._

* * *

><p>"Why was Ted dressed like a fourteen year old boy?" J.D asked himself.<p>

A fully-limbed Janitor shrugged off J.D's comments and insisted, "It was an accident, Sir. I was busy mopping and I didn't expect her to be kneeling on a dirty floor."

"Janitor," Kelso started. "Why would she be kneeling on a dirty floor?"

"I hadn't mopped it, plus I suspect she's a little bit crazy," Janitor answered, placing his hands in his jumpsuit pockets.

"Well, given the circumstances, I can safetly conclude this was an accident. Just don't let it happen again," Kelso warned.

"It will not, sir," Janitor said happily, picking up the 'Pokey-Mop' and smashing it against the wall. "There, now everybody's safe. Now, if it's alright with you people, I think I'll take my leave."

However, the Janitor did not go quietly. Out of spite for Dr. Kelso, he opened his office window and threw the broken mop outside, landing on what was presumably an unsuspecting person's car. Or, an ambulance.

Groaning, Kelso, picked up his newspaper and a muffin, turned to everyone else and said, "You may go."

Everyone watched in silence as Kelso sat behind his desk, feet up and reading the Sports section.

Before he would leave, Cox had a quick question for Kelso. "Say, Bobbo? Why on Earth would you keep that nutjob?"

Looking up from his paper, Kelso replied, "The same way I keep you."

Visibly unsettled, Cox slumped out of the office, ranting as he walked down the corridor. J.D watched intently for a minute before turning to face his friends. They all looked relieved that there were no serious repercussions for those involved.

_I guess at the end of the day,_ J.D's inner monologue began as he waved to his friends and walked down the corridor. However, he was unable to finish because at that moment he tripped over a brush and crashed down to the floor.

He looked up and saw the Janitor laughing at him. Clearly in pain, J.D faced away from him to see Dr. Kelso walking towards him. The Chief of Medicine, instead of assisting J.D, walked straight on by, only pausing momentarily to say something to Janitor.

"Excellent work, Sephiroth."

"Why thank you, Sir," Janitor replied, prodding J.D with the brush, who swiftly got up and walked away, looking as confused as ever.

Brushing up some crumbs left behind by Kelso and his blueberry muffin, Janitor muttered, "Who the heck is Sephiroth?"


End file.
